Here are two real time, real life examples of how to get your husband’s attention after 30 plus years of marriage.
I had a tough year after moving to the 13th floor of a lovely apartment building in Nashville. (Remember the 13th floor, I’ll come around to that later) So when my friend called me to join her at the beach, I said… Sure, I could use a break. When I arrived, I promptly broke my leg. On a beach bike. Sometimes the universe takes me too literally.
I broke my “driving” leg, so I returned home to my couch while my friend started working out at Orange Theory. It’s an aggressive workout and your results are posted on a big screen for motivational purposes. Or possibly shaming purposes when I used to go?
Well, someone has to be last.
While my dear friend was working out, she decided she needed new boobies to go with her nice taunt tummy. While I was working out at physical therapy, I decided I needed to walk without a limp.
(And for the record, I am just exploring the irony of life here. I adore this friend and she knows I adore her.)
Back to the irony of life. The week after my friend got her new boobies, I had a probe up my ass and was diagnosed with cancer.
Later, I was waiting for radioactive markers to make their way through my body. This will show where the cancer had spread. I was told it would take a bit of time. I was asked if I brought a book. No I didn’t. I can’t even imagine focusing on a book at this point. Damn it, I thought, now I have to just sit here for an hour thinking about the sugar solution coursing through my body. Sugar makes cancer cells very happy and that is what makes the markers light up for the scan. Just think about that while you are having a doughnut with your coffee. You are welcome.
Right at that point, my phone lights up with a “Thinking of you” text from my aforementioned friend. “Hey”, I replied, “I need a distraction while I wait for my next scan. How’s your new boobies?” I politely ask. A little bit of time goes by, then “Ding,” my phone lights up with a picture of my friend’s naked new boobies. See why I adore this friend? I needed a distraction and she came through! Did I mention that this might not be your typical cancer blog?
I texted my husband in the waiting room. “I just got a smoking hot picture of Anne’s naked new boobies that you will never.. ever.. see.” I think he was speechless. Or, in this case, textless.
Because I am a truly curious person, I asked what her hubby thought of the new physique. “It’s like we just met,” was her reply. “I’m getting a lot of attention.”
Hmm, I’m thinking that involves a lot of kissing and stuff. I’m also getting a lot of kisses lately from my husband. Except when he approaches me for a kiss, I get a close up view of the terror and fear in his eyes. I’ll take Door Number One instead please.
More about that 13th floor later…
This is my oldest son, Brennan, sharing a kiss with his new bride, Libby, in June of 2016.